I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
