im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
