ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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