That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
