marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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