FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
