His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
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I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
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Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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