I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
