Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
