my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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