my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
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I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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