just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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