I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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