In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
