i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
