I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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