Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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