I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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