He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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