Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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