just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Boobs are out for the taking
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
