My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
