guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
