If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
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