last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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