WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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