Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
