Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
