omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
What a dumb baby whore.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
