I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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