Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
