In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
