if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
