i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
How external is "for external use only"?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
