i wish there were pregnant emoticons
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Four minutes until I can fart!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
