youre lurking in front of me
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize