Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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