his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
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she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
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When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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