I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
