I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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