I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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