Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
