Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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