Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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