I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
