she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
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The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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