Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
