I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
