my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
