You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
