Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
