something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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