You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Text me some of your sweat
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
