don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
