Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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