I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize